What a different kind of Christmas we find ourselves having this year. One weekend to celebrate with all of our family and friends. Only one child left at home, and a quiet Christmas Eve and morning. We tried to hold on to a few traditions. We went to church on Sunday, we delivered cookies to the police department and fire station, and I am sure we will have a nice dinner tonight (but will probably skip the desserts). I find as our family dynamics change and we grow older, Christmas traditions are sure to change for us. I have found that over the years, not only have my traditions slowly changed, but that my beliefs on Christmas have changed as well. I don't want to loose the magic of the season, but without a child's eyes to view Christmas through, this year it has somewhat lost its luster. Yet, I find in my soul a greater brightness associated with the day. See, over the years, I feel my religious beliefs have also slowly changed, and this blessed day, that was always held in high honor as it calls to remembrance the birth of our Savior, now has a fuller meaning. Jake and I were talking a bit about this last night. I have spent quite some time thinking about and redefining my religious beliefs (and though I hope I will never be finished doing so), I feel I have come a lot closer to what I need to believe for me. You know that whole "work out your OWN salvation with fear and trembling" is a scripture that has value to me. And for me, here is what Christmas means. I choose to believe in Jesus, and that today represents His birth. I do not believe that He came because God demanded His blood for my salvation, or that such great punishment was necessary to appease a righteous God to save my soul from hell. This for me, would ruin the whole story. It would take away from he beauty of a sacrificial love, and it would seriously make me question if that was the type of God I wanted to be called a child of (which actually explains a lot of Christians, but we aren't talking about that today). I told Jake last night for me Jesus is important. I am the type of person who needs saving. Saving not from the wrath of a righteous God, but saving from myself. Saving from my inability to forgive myself and see myself as worthy. I need that unfailing love that says I will lay down all I have and all I am for you. I believe the story of Jesus's birth, death, and resurrection, should not have the dark cloud of justification hanging over it, but should focus on the love displayed. If God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are one as many groups believe, then God gave Himself for us. The view of God from the old testament would have to be warped by man's opinions and desire for justice, and not relevant at all to who God really is. I just can't get past God being LOVE. A God who loved us enough to leave the ease and beauty of heaven and join us in our struggles on earth. A God who wanted to demonstrate an unquestionable love in a way we could not deny. A God who came (or sent his son , depending on how you view it), to give us a gift we could pass on to others. LOVE. Pure unadulterated love. I believe the example set by Jesus is necessary to this heart. It is needed for me to move past my failures and know he still loves me this much. It is needed for me to feel that perfection is not required, and love is not earned, but freely given. I am one of those who need rescuing (while I want to be able to do a little rescuing myself). I need this display of love to give me the strength and desire to love and rescue others. Today I am grateful for the meaning of the season. And the meaning for me is another opportunity to recognize the indescribable love of God. A love I believe we are to not only receive, but give to others. May this Christmas bring love and peace to your hearts. A love that you cannot help but pass on!
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