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Monday, November 8, 2010


I seem to have come to new stage in my life. I am really wanting to continue to redefine exactly what it is that I believe. And not just what I believe, but who I want to be, and how I want to view and relate to the world around me. I think there is so much more to life that what we live in our day to day existence. I don't think we are meant to just survive and thrive, but to somehow find the connections to the people around us, that most of us never even take the time to look for. I made a list today of all the things about myself I want to change and it was almost scary. I want to be more patient, I want to think before I speak, and lots of the time, not speak at all. I want to be considerate of people who make me angry, or who I don't really like. I spent a lot of time praying last night and asking God what He wants me to be. I want to be able to study and define my beliefs, without being labeled as part of a religious branch. I want to know where I stand on my beliefs and why. I want to stop being afraid of the church as a whole. I find that I am sometimes hypocritical, and judge people by their "label" before I even get to know them. I want to learn to only speak positively about people. What a big list of things, and this isn't even all of them! I just want to be a better person overall. I was reading the other day about us being created in God's image, and I realized I really look nothing like Him most of the time! But the thing is, I want to see these changes in my life, but never be fake! I want the "yuck" parts of me to still show enough that I am real! I don't want to be one of these cookie cutter Christians who always have to present this "perfect life". Perfection like that doesn't exist! We all have our moments of "yuck" and I don't want to ever feel like that is something I have to hide! I will just be glad to clean up some of this mess I have been dealing with lately! I want to start thinking about (and acting on) ways that I can help people around me. I want to serve something bigger that myself........