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Thursday, May 29, 2014

The Fairy Tale Following the Nightmare

I can't write a post about the darkness of my past without following it with the brightness of my present life. I waas pretty much your typical little girl as a young child. I lived in Roanoke, Virginia and had a second story bedroom window that faced out toward the Catholic church near downtown. This is a beautiful church and when it was all lit up at night it looked just like the Disney castle. For a short period of time I actually thought it was the Disney Castle and wondered why we never went there. Anyway, the relevance of this to my story, is that even as a very young girl I always thought about the day I would meet my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. I always thought being a wife and mother would be the greatest job in the world and spent many hours cooking up wonderful meals at my metal kitchen set for my baby doll in preparation for that coming day. As my prior post so blatantly points out, this dream of mine didn't come to life in the way I was hoping. I didn't fall in love and live happily ever after. The first time I truly fell in love was on May 17, 1990 when the doctor laid a precious little baby boy in my arms. Then again on November 9, 1992 when his beautiful sister was born. Then on October 25, 1994 God gave me another amazing son to bring joy to a difficult life. On December 24, 1996 another precious daughter was given to me. Then December 2, 1998 I had another beautiful boy, followed on January 30, 2001 by my final little bundle of joy (another son). I would have another daughter brought into my life years later.... and I will get to that later on. So this is the beginning of my fairy tale. I truly fell in love each time a child was born. I know most all mothers feel this way. There is an unspeakable bond between a mother and child, that you just can't put into words. There is something about that life growing inside, and then caring and providing for that innocent baby that makes a Mom want to move mountains for her children. Nothing in my life made me feel more fufilled than taking care of my kids. Being a Mom to such an amazing group of kids has always been and will forever be the beginning of my fairy tale. And as they get older those feelings have only grown stronger. My kids and I have been through hell and back.We have failed one another (me more than them), forgiven one another, We have walked through joy and saddness together. I know my children will always be there for me, and they know we will always be there for them. My children did not have an easy life. I will not go into detail on this, as it is their story to tell, not mine. But for those of you who read my blog, you know they faced many obstacles early on. I am so amazed by their strength and their spirit. How all of my children have grown out of adversity, and I couldn't be prouder of them all! As they are becoming adults and starting families of their own my joy becomes even greater. Now I not only have amazing children to love, but four beautiful grandchildren! Now what fairy tale would be complete without its prince? I was great in the kid department! I had some beautiful, wonderful children, but I wasn't quite as fortunate when it came to tracking down a prince! I stumbled across a few toads along the way, but all the kisses in the world didn't free them from their curse. When my children were young, there were two prayers I distinctly remember praying on a daily basis. 1. Was that God would let my mini-van blow up with me and all the kids in it, beacause I just didn't feel I could keep going on. Or option 2. That God would please send someone who would love and appreciate us into our lives. I am so glad God chose option 2! I never found my Prince, he found me! He found me when I wasn't exactly the best woman I could be. I was starting to grow out of some of the false thinking, but my life wasn't exactly pristine either. He pursued me and he treated me with a care and respect I never thought truly existed. He was a good friend early on (and my very best friend now). When I look at him, I see every quality I ever wanted in a man, and then some. Early in our relationship I always tried to make him understand that I was not good enough for him. He never saw me that way. Even when so many people tried to tell him he was making a mistake, he followed his heart! I am so grateful for that. I never dreamed marriage could be so wonderful. But the very best thing about my Prince, is that his love wasn't just for me. He loves our children with all of his heart and I know he would do anything for them. He adopted 4 of them. And that in itself is a legal formality. We have children together and all 7 are truly ours. Before Jake came along my kids were MINE. I never felt the "ours" aspect of having children with someone else in this way. The kids couldn't belong to him anymore than they do now even if he planted the seeds himself! I never thought we would experience having such a complete and happy family. So there is my fairy tale. A wonderful group of children (and grandchildren). An amazing Prince! All the love and support I never dreamed possible. I couldn't ask for anything more!

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