What's saving my life right now?
What's saving my life right now? Saving my life from what you might think? I am in a stage of life where the saving is no longer from the big things, but from the constant ones. Saving my life from frustrations with my work environment. Saving my life from worries over my children who are all now (or quickly becoming) teenagers. Saving my life over concerns since my husband just recieved a pay cut at work. Saving my life (and the life of my neighbor's dog) who tore up our gardnen last night. Saving my life over my frustrations, doubts and fears? I actually have several things saving my life....
1. My past saves my life. My past was excrutiting to say the least. I lived in so much pain and sorrow I litterally prayed God would take me and my children all at once in some accident. And I prayed this almost on a daily basis. Everytime I start to think things are rough, I go back and think on what God has bought me out of and things do not look so bleak anymore!
2. My family. I look at my husband and children and the loving and peaceful relationships we have and know that every ounce of energy I apply to the things in my life is not only for me, but mostly for them! That makes even the most difficult days look worthwhile.
3. My faith. My faith has evolved and grown into something deeply personal. Jesus has taken on a whole new identity to me outside of the church's picture of who He is. I know that He is truly with me in all the shortcomings and fits of anger I go through. He becomes more and more a source of strength for me as the days go past. Even when I am sitting in church and asking Him how He is coping with His misrepresentation?
I guess this is short and to the point. But this is the glue that holds me together. Another great thing is the ability to share these blogs and thoughts and find I am not alone in how I feel or even who I am. I have found a host of others with similar thoughts, ideas, and beliefs which has given me a new connection I feel have lacked for a very long time. We need an attachment to others and that is the hardest thing to find. Exspecially for someone who chooses to think on their own, and follow their heart.